Yeah, I am a character actor.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

why we fear death... life is more scary.....

Equality before the law is probably forever unattainable. It is a noble ideal, but it can never be realized, for what men value in this world is not rights but privileges.

You’ll never have a 16-team playoff in college football. The most that could happen would be four teams in the next century. But after that, I’m dead, so who cares?

but you were a fool to bring that pider into this house

Avarice, or the desire of gain, is a universal passion which operates at all times, at all places, and upon all persons.

I love to win, but I love to lose almost as much. I love the thrill of victory, and I also love the challenge of defeat.

[People] look at [Donald Trump] not prosecuting Hillary [Clinton] as maybe, uh-oh.

I'm kinda like a needle in a haystack right now cause I haven't blown up yet.

Cut the bondage of all worldly affections; go beyond laziness and all care as to what becomes of you.

All... natural rights may be abridged or modified in [their] exercise by law.