Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people 'the cops.' But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!

Pre-mature ejaculation. Let's talk about it. Premature ejaculation. That's a pretty fancy term for, "Ooooooh Oh no. This has never happened before."

My gym has two-pound weights. If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym? What's your dream? To pump up and open your mail?

Let's say you're in a situation where crystal meth can help you. Like, I don't know, you have too many teeth.

Remember when you're young and you think your dad is Superman? And then you grow up and realized he's just a drunk who wears a cape.

Don't get me wrong, I like to cuddle. But there is such a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so that they can't get away.

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.

Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.

You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike.

You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had?

There's a fine line between masturbating while you look out a window, and masturbating while you're looking in a window. I'll give you a hint: one of 'em is super illegal.

To experience what isn't, love what is.

Every leader decides accomplishments or values for which he or she wants to be remembered - Jesus was founded upon love

The Physical Symbol System Hypothesis. A physical symbol system has the necessary and sufficient means for general intelligent action.

It may sound cliché, but when you feel beautiful and strong on the inside, it shows on the outside.

One pays a lot, we all pay a lot, for awareness.

When the Spirit of God moves within us, we must move with Him or be miserable.

I have accepted all and I am free. The inner chains are broken, as well as those outside.

I think people who live in the worlds that movies are based on end up disliking them. Unless they're from a different time and era.

God who sends the wound sends the medicine.

Why be unhappy about something if it can be remedied? And what is the use of being unhappy about something if it cannot be remedied?