Yeah, I like that idea. Maybe he'll shoot at us again. I was hoping someone would shoot at me today. That was the first thing I said when I got up: Boy, I hope I get shot at today.

You're a marshmallow. Soft and sweet and when you get heated up you go all gooey and delicious."-

I shot that sucker right in the gumpy." Grandma Mazur

The 'Barnaby' books were always intended to be graphic novels.

I'm done with men. I have a hamster. That's all I need.

When I was six years old I sprinkled sugar on my head, convinced myself it was pixie dust, wished myself invisible, and walked into the boys' bathroom at school.

My Spanish is limited to burrito and taco.

Calories don’t count if they’re connected to a celebration. Everyone knows this.

-You're gloating, Max. It's not flattering. Somebody needs to teach you a little humility.- -A good woman could do that.- -She'd have to be armed and dangerous.-

Its always nice to have a stud muffin at the table.

Only men you can count on these days are Ben and Jerry.

It's a bizarre but wonderful feeling, to arrive dead center of a target you didn't even know you were aiming for.

Using money in one’s attempt to put an end to poverty is like using a border in one’s attempt to put an end to xenophobia.

I'm not sure the least educated members of the population are missing out on the advances in medical technology as much as they are adopting harmful behavioral habits that shorten their life.

I was so grateful that Lemony Snicket wasn't the worst movie ever made that I overlooked many things that might have otherwise upset me.

It's only when you're forbidden to talk about the future that you suddenly realize how much the future normally occupies the present.

The business of the statistician is to catalyze the scientific learning process.

I wanted to sing songs that my voice was comfortable with.

If you think love makes you happy, you've either never been in love, or never been in love long enough to have to start compromising.

It's really hard to get any work done in my apartment when my bed is also in my apartment.

Where you stand, where you are, that's what your life is right there, regardless of how painful it is or how enjoyable it is. That's what it is.