Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. YOU get better.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'

Any man can make mistakes but only an idiot persists in his error.

You can say anything if enough people will listen.

I don't watch a lot of films. I'm usually involved in making them.

The nation-state became powerful in the wake of the French Revolution, whereas the nation-state has become powerless in light of globalization.

The thing that was important to me about Hemingway at the time was that Hemingway taught me that you could be a writer and get away with it.

There are people who are just very, very sniffy and snobby and have always sort of looked down their noses at me.

There is no justice here; there is no justice there; there is no justice anywhere!

He thought about himself and to the young that always brings sadness.

We don't get our shoulds, we get our musts.

Fashion to me has become very disposable; I wanted to get back to craft, to clothes that could last.