Yeah, world peace would be all right, but what about a day off in a slab of ham the size of my head.

I've been a little cranky since that house fell on my sister.

A balanced diet and a brisk daily walk will help keep you healthy, but there's nothing like a good-looking young man with a nice butt to help up your cardiovascular system.

You are a perfect woman, a magical blend of beauty, intelligence, and spirit. Without you, my life is nothing.

There aren't many things a man finds more appealing than loyalty. Unless it's a woman with really big knockers.

I'd trade every last one of you for a moment's peace and a dog that didn't P on the carpet

If they really wanted us to resist temptation, they shouldn't a made it so damn tempting.

It's not as if I don't like men, I just have more respect for my washing machine.

In my experience, "what the hell" is generally the most interesting decision.

There is not a simple gene pool entirely free of toxic waste.

Marriage is like a toothbrush. It starts out smooth and gets kind of prickly towards the end.

Humor is just another defense against theuniverse.

Some people just live out their whole lives with some sort of ache in their heart they never resolve.

Newspapers abound, and though they have endured decades of decline in readership and influence, they can still form impressive piles if no one takes them out to the trash.

Just remember to always be yourself and don’t be afraid to speak your mind or to dream out loud

I deny the lawfulness of telling a lie to a sick man for fear of alarming him you have no business with consequences you are to tell the truth.

We should restore a proper balance in environmental regulation and energy production that is based on common sense, not political agendas.

Sticking to your values, listening to your instincts, making your own choices is so important.

I've wanted to see beyond the Western, mechanical view of the world and see what else might appear when the lens was changed

I don't much like 'Wonderwall,' but the effect that song has on people, I can't deny it.

Let's trade in all our judging for appreciating. Let's lay down our righteousness and just be together.