Years ago, manhood was an opportunity for achievement, and now it is a problem to be overcome.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.

Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor

We're miserable because we think that we are mere individuals, alone with our fears and flaws and resentment and mortality.

Within you, within all human beings, is a seed of greatness that makes their kind quake with fear.

Hundreds would die, but not the thing they died for.

I've had some pretty good arguments with people, but I've never regretted it. I've had people come up where it's all emotion and no fact. That's always sad.

Writing is very castrating in the moment. Fiction in general, it has no function, nobody asks for it.

Rene, you want us to find you-don't-know-who and to retrieve his you-don't-know-what for you-won't-tell-me-whom?

I think I would like to be a monk. I really considered Catholicism a few years ago, but there were some things that I just couldnt reconcile.

If you want to make a Conservative angry, tell him a lie. If you want to make a Liberal angry, tell him the truth.

I would say if you are going to party, show up on time to work.