Yes, Dr. King is pro-gun just as surely as Jesus would be pro-nails.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

Endure the storm, but don't forget to enjoy the rainbow and the thunder.

Most tales carry a kernel of truth, else they're soon forgotten.

Our fear of not mattering much has the potential to draw us away from what matters most.

Morality pertains only to the sphere of man's free will - only to those actions which are open to his choice.

The system of life on this planet is so astoundingly complex that it was a long time before man even realized that it was a system at all and that it wasn't something that was just there.

I suffered first as a child from discrimination, poverty ... So I think it was a natural follow from that that I should use my camera to speak for people who are unable to speak for themselves.

Preach 90% Law and 10% grace.

I've had to work for everything I have, and I'm not going to stop. The minute I feel I've made it, I'm done.

I see myself as someone who's been saved by writing. God knows what I would have been, become or how I would have ended up without it.

All Church activities, advancements, quorums, and classes are means to the end of an exalted family.