Yes, I believe blue material is funny, but if that's all you've got, you're dead in the water. It's not good.

Late night television is ready for someone like me... standards have gone to an all-time low.

I will never vote Democrat again, they are Communists.

Most of the things I do are misunderstood. Hey, after all, being misunderstood is the fate of all true geniuses, is it not?

I am completely pissed off that I'm circumcised.

Talent is what drives this world ... Doesn’t matter how many satellites you f---ing stick in the air.

I think I could create a cult, no problem. The hard part is getting people to kill themselves.

I'm down with just the Backstreet Boys.

When you hire me, you hire a nut who is going to work 24 hours a day for you and never, ever burn his audience.

I've always been about honesty, whether on the radio, whether I did a movie, whether I wrote a book. As long as you're honest, you don't lose your edge.

You've got to be a little vicious. You've got to be narcissistic. You've got to be on fire about your career.

Love conquers all. Let Love then smile at our defeat.

The best way to overcome fear is to start doing what you are afraid of.

Spirit is a more accurate measure of success than the ruler.

A person will not buy from you until he is convinced that you are a friend and are acting in his best interest. You must make this clear.

Guys I’m kind of nutty, but you have to understand that that’s all just me being myself.

Every numerous assembly is a mob; everything there depends on instantaneous turns.

An aged rabbi, crazed with liberalism, once said to me, We Jews are just ordinary human beings. Only a bit more so!

I can't choose the most meaningful song that I've written. That would be like choosing one child over another. But first borns are always special.

Fame is a devil; obscurity is an Angel! Stay away from me, Devil; Come near to me, Angel!

Health care for all Americans is the most pressing domestic issue today. It's far past time for the President and Congress to deliver health care to everyone.