Yes, I would say my comedy is grunge, evidenced by the fact my jokes have put an end to big-hair glam comedy.

If you have a dream, just lie about it. Lie your way unto your dreams.

Joel McHale is so money, he should be printed on money.

In prison, inmates sometimes use Cheetos and grape juice as makeup. I wouldn't use that beauty regimen around Britney Spears - she might lick your face off!

I loved New Jersey. I thought it was the greatest place in the world because on Halloween kids could start trick or treating right after school. Isn't that great?

I used humor as survival, as a weapon and as comfort.

People have always said since TV was invented what a cultural wasteland it is but I think it is the worst and the best. It is the golden age of television.

I think we are as screwed as a culture as we are saved as a culture.

I don't think the NFL had the slightest intention of taking me, except as maybe a water boy.

I knew I wanted to be an actor. I just kept saying, "Until somebody tells me to stop, until I have to go get a real job, and until I'm practically homeless, I'm not gonna get one."

My goal and my career is definitely not to be famous. That's a really horrible goal, just to be famous for the sake of having fame.

I wanted to give you advice. Adults are always doing that

I needed to survive tonight to keep living my life as if nothing had happened.

I vow that i will never forget this once in a life time love and to know it to be the deepest part of our soul and no matter how far the wave carry us apart we will always find our way to eachother.

I do believe very strongly that all of us and all of the other things in the context of our planet with Mother Nature, all of these things absolutely have a profound effect.

Memory is... similar to anticipation: an instrument of simplification and selection.

I understand I'm running against a person who is so anxious to become president, he will do whatever it takes.

You have to get rid of characters to make room for new ones, but you also have to recognize when things are done.

I kind of like being depressed.

Man can alter his life by altering his thinking.

Men must learn now with pity to dispense; For policy sits above conscience.