Yes, it seems that as the President (George W. Bush) comes to the end of his two terms, he's finally realized the best way to get things done for you, is for you to do it.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

You can survive and strive in life.

One cool judgment is worth a thousand hasty councils. The thing to do is to supply light and not heat.

Never wear anything that panics the cat.

I'm for truth, no matter who tells it. I'm for justice, no matter who it's for or against.

I never really did abandon my true self. It's not like I invented this imaginary person and started to be her.

Perhaps I'm particularly serious, because I'm not unaware of the potential absurdity of what I'm doing.

The states are not free, under the guise of protecting maternal health or potential life, to intimidate women into continuing pregnancies.

I'm not sure what it is that I want, but I feel it deep in the pit of my stomach. It's there sitting dormant. I'll know it when I see it.

I play Rock 'n' Roll, that's what I do.

When thieves come, I bark; when gallants, I am still - So perform both my master's and mistress's will.