Yesterday was Election Day. If we have any Democrats in the audience, I'm sorry but you're going to have to give up your seats.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

In life, school, or work, you must resourcefully act with purpose, curiosity, and wisdom toward positive outcomes, if not a vision.

You want to make a big bold difference in this world? Then pray big, bold prayers.

We know where they are [Iraq's weapons of mass destruction]. They're in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad and east, west, south and north somewhat.

I wake up every morning excited. Rather than become complacent or overwhelmed, I've made a choice for life - and I can do something about it.

When we are accomplishing the good, the greatest opposition comes.

I've wanted to hit Jay Cutler so hard for so long that this move just makes sense.

I now go beyond other people's fears and limitations. I create my life.

All things of the body stream away like a river, all things of the mind are dreams and delusion; life is warfare, and a visit to a strange land; the only lasting fame is oblivion.

Unless you've been touched personally, it's difficult to see, but there are millions of people who have no voice whatsoever.

Maybe I won't have as much energy. And maybe the highs in my voice won't be what they used to be. But exercise is helping me pace myself.