Yet there are some people - Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he's a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I'm doing it right now and you all seem bored.

I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them

I'd like a nice piece of salmon that's not too pink inside and yet isn't too dry or crisp either.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And if that doesn't work out for you, Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.

My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I'm going back to bed.

If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you're fine.

I don't roll like that but I've never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that's good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that's a little disturbing.

My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that's how he dealt with my mom.

I wouldn't hurt a flea. I'd finger a spider though.

What made marriage so difficult back then was yet again that instigator of so many other sorts of heartbreak: the oversize brain.

Argot is both a literary and a social phenomenon. What is argot, properly speaking? Argot is the language of misery.

I do want to be involved in quality projects that say something positive about the Latino community.

I am proud to be a Sikh and am a true disciple of Guru Gobind Singh, who sacrificed his entire family for the Sikh religion.

And imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.

Without the burden of afflictions it is impossible to reach the height of Grace. The gift of Grace increases as the struggle increases.

The work I've done, I'm really feeling the effects of it.

The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.

And truth severe, by fairy fiction drest.

No temptation, no pressure, no enticing can overcome us unless we allow such. If we make the wrong choice, we have no one to blame but ourselves.