You always nag the one you love

Some golfers fantasize about playing in a foursome with Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus, and Sam Snead. The way I hit I'd rather play in a foursome with Helen Keller, Ray Charles, and Stevie Wonder.

We learn so many things from golf: how to suffer, for instance.

On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. The other 20 percent lied.

I'll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine.

Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf. I think it was my ex-wife.

I used to go to the driving range to practice driving without slicing. Now I go to practice slicing without swearing.

In Minnesota it's so cold some nights you have to wear two condoms.

Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off.

My psychiatrist prescribed a game of golf as an antidote to the feelings of euphoria I experience from time to time.

What's the point of washing off your ball when teeing off on a water hole?

Where a mediocre mind finds adversity, a great mind finds great opportunity.

We are the wreck of what we have been, and the place of our own future demise.

Sorrow is an opportunity to appreciate happiness.

When a man is small he loves and hates food with a ferocity which soon dims. At six years old his very bowels will heave when such a dish as creamed carrots or cold tapioca appear before him.

The idea behind digital computers may be explained by saying that these machines are intended to carry out any operations which could be done by a human computer.

Fortune is for all, judgment is theirs who have won it for themselves.

When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.

I just wish, when neither of us has written to my husband's mother, I didn't feel so much worse about it than he does.

I believe the time we really look big in a child's eyes is when we go to them and apologize for our mistakes and we say, 'I was wrong. Will you forgive me?'

Avoid getting wrapped up in things - especially status purchases - as these often come at the expense of people and relationships.