You are my greatest gift and I seal it with a kiss.

You can't be old and wise, if you were never young and crazy.

Bad things are always going to happen in life; People will eventually hurt you, but you can't use that as an excuse to hurt someone back.

You start to live when a moment feels like a lifetime

So please don't judge me and I won't judge you 'cause it could get ugly before it gets beautiful.

Jesus didn't die on the cross to BLESS our life, He did it to CHANGE our life.

To be the best you have to beat the best

Follow your dreams. Just make sure to have fun too.

Haters keep on hating, cause somebody's gotta do it.

My mother taught me to treat a lady respectfully.

I don't know … but I think this Ebola epidemic is a form of population control.

In a world where death is the hunter, my friend, there is no time for regrets or doubts. There is only time for decisions.

I believe my father has and always will be the strongest influence in my life, as he has guided me on many paths.

I'm kind of obsessed with food. I like to eat. When I tour, it's like, well, like a food tour as much as a comedy tour.

The world changed on September 11, 2001.

Does your uncle need anything? A coffee? A latte?” “He needs someone to bear his illegitimate child if you’re interested

I've been invited to speak at about 20 colleges. There's always this moment when I'm having dinner with the college president: 'Ernie, where'd you go to school?'

I am suggesting that there is, and always has been, a rather high correlation between ethnicity and occupation/economic role throughout the various time-space zones of historical capitalism.

You have to be a little crazy to be a downhill skier.

A poet is one who can call forth the good latent in the human beast.

No man is an island.