You break into my house, I will shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

Let your plans be assured from the end to the beginning. Let it be clear that the end is hopeful. Wake up.

I have never known anyone to win a battle waged against his emotions. When a sentiment hoists his glimmering blade into the air, the battle is lost before it has begun.

If you can't be psyched about your own thoughts, then how are you supposed to have a meaningful interaction with anyone?

I could teach. I could wait tables. I could cook in a restaurant. Food and teaching were the two skills I had.

Vigorous Scout games are the best form of physical education because most of them bring in moral education.

I believe it will only be known on the last day how much has been accomplished in overseas missions by the prayers of earnest believers at home.

If the person at the wheel refuses to ask for directions, it is time for a new driver.

Just another cold, misty morning inviting, "want to go again?"

I skip through the programming to watch the commercials.

Big hooks have always been a part of American movie-making. So, to make a movie where you're just driving story through the characters without a high-concept is a challenge.