You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

Fear is felt by writers at every level. Anxiety accompanies the first word they put on paper and the last.

Each new generation is a fresh invasion of savages.

Think of your forefathers! Think of your posterity!

Love is the attempt to form a friendship inspired by beauty.

By today's beauty standards, of course, Marilyn Monroe was an oil tanker.

This shift from the Judeo-Christian basis for law and the shift away from the restraints of the Constitution automatically militates against religious liberty.

History is only a value of relation.

Peter: Oh, the cleverness of me. Wendy: Of course, I did nothing... Peter: You did a little. Wendy: Oh, the cleverness of you.

I've always been cool, basically. I was cool in utero.

Memory training is great psychedelic training.