You can always tell a real friend when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.

Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

Don't believe in miracles - depend on them.

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.

Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.

When in doubt or danger, run in circles, scream and shout.

A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.

There are two kinds of failures: those who thought and never did, and those who did and never thought

Some problems are so complex that you have to be highly intelligent and well informed just to be undecided about them.

My ancestors offer me bliss, love, and light. I gratefully receive that which is for my highest good and release the rest back into the pure, white light.

When facing unbeatable odds, just think of yourself as unbeatably odd. (The Hero's Guide to Being a Hero)

For Democrats to win, they're going to have to address the needs of working people. They're going to have to address the needs of the middle class.

Anything that is close to your heart is worthy of your time and commitment.

Corporations hope that the right concept will turn things around overnight. This is what you might call the crash-diet approach: starve yourself for a few days and you'll be thin for life.

Thank you for letting idiots like me, come out and live this wonderful wonderful dream. I love you to death. Lets go home.

You forgive yourself for every failure because you are trying to do the right thing. God knows that and you know it. Nobody else may know it.

A Mathematician is someone who can take a cup of coffee and turn it into a theory.

I have a strong feeling that the subject of evolution is beautiful without the excuse of creationists needing to be bashed.

Don't indulge your theories, think of your children and listen to the experts.