You can buy [John McCain's] book, but in a week and a half, he'll have another.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

True art is a remedy of curiousity and it rise above all expectations.

You are an exceedingly beautiful mystery, one that intrigues me and one that I plan to solve.

We do not want to old to be sharper than we. It is bad enough that they were there first, and got the best things.

A strange volume of real life in the daily packet of the postman. Eternal love and instant payment!

I mean I love my family very much, but there is a difference when you're reuniting with your family outside of your hometown and reuniting in the family home.

When I feel stressed, I turn to food for comfort, but I don't like to diet and I'm not good at it.

For me, physical beauty is never the reason for attraction to anyone.

I might like to be an actor, but there are loads of other things I'm interested in as well, like music and writing and sports. I want to keep my options open.

Humans punish themselves endlessly for not being what they believe they should be. They become very self-abusive, and they use other people to abuse themselves as well.

Books are good enough in their own way, but they are a poor substitute for life.