You can calculate Zsa Zsa Gabor's age by the rings on her fingers.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

You got to be careful of what comes and leave your mind and how often they do both. Whatever enters your mind has brought a new brand of you and whatever exits is going to manifest that brand.

Wisdom is simple but profound.Folly, even when complex, is stupid.

Without the dreamers who write science fiction and other imaginary material we'd still be sitting in caves ... if we weren't already extinct.

Until you accept responsibility for your life, someone else runs your life.

Teaching has always been, for me, linked to issues of social justice. I've never considered it a neutral or passive profession.

I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, Soup of the Day: Cream of Asparagus. Ellen DeGeneres.

Nebraskans know the true meaning of life... work, spending time with loved ones, and Saturdays in the fall.

Men sunk in the greatest darkness imaginable retain some sense and awe of the Deity.

All that a Christian does, even in eating and sleeping, is prayer, when it is done in simplicity, according to the order of God, without either adding to or diminishing from it by his own choice.

I pride myself on breaking any box that anyone wants to put me in.