You can change the world. Please don't do that, OK? Some of us like the way things are going now.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

Life is not a race.....not a struggle, & bla bla ....We make it a race, struggle.It's we to decide how should it be. Actually Life is Present & the choices we choose in past.

A quote is a story, suspended in a sentence and treasured through time.

Making it happen, It's just something you gotta do.

Got just enough room to be a friend of yours. Oh I hope you got room to be a friend of mine.

But he knew instinctively what he suggested was impossible. She'd been through so much, and held her tears back for so long, that Royce doubted that anything could force her to shed them.

Regardless, I did rise to the editorship before embarking on a freelance career in the late '60's.

I spend a lot of time alone and my wife understands that I need to be alone. I enjoy being alone. But I'm never lonely.

What I feel for you can’t be conveyed in phrasal combinations; It either screams out loud or stays painfully silent but I promise — it beats words. It beats worlds. I promise

When moral courage feels that it is in the right, there is no personal daring of which it is incapable.

Mitt Romney's email was hacked! So if you start getting messages that sound like they're from a bot, he's fixed the problem.