You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

Said Hamlet to Ophelia, I'll draw a sketch of thee. What kind of pencil shall I use? 2B or not 2B?

We haven't got a plan so nothing can go wrong!

There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.

Make my happiness--I will make yours.

The best luck of all is the luck you make for yourself.

No man is bound to be rich or great, - no, nor to be wise; but every man is bound to be honest.

I'm really only interested in technology that is about pictures. I'm interested in anything that makes a picture.

That's what writing is. It's moving past your fear.

Failure is an event, something that happens at a specific time on a certain day. If you want to be successful, you have to embrace failure and get back up every single time.

The extreme nature of dominant-end views is often concealed by the vagueness and ambiguity of the end proposed.

Oasis can't be summed up in one word. I could do a sentence: Boys from council estate made it very, very big.

I have an extraordinary attention span. I manage to juggle two or three different ideas at the same time, and that's probably, if I have a gift, that's probably the best gift that's given me.

Take care of your health, that it may serve you to serve God.