You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

It is not reputation, fame, success or religiosity that glorifies God, it's slavery.

Jealousy is when their reflection in the mirror that is your progress, is attacked rather than appreciated, begrudged rather than understood.

There is no greater thing in life than that secret sense of harmony that unites us briefly with the great mysteries of others and allows us to travel alongside them for part of the way.

Writers write. Dreamers talk about it.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

When I was a boy, my parents were writers and they owned a bookstore, 'The Complete Traveler in New York,' so writing and books have held special places in my heart all my life.

Curses are children of hate; they belong to the wrong family! Prayers are better than curses!

Life is the spirit incarnate in time.

The only excuse for not coming to a class or a performance is death.

When truth is replaced by silence,the silence is a lie.