You can only be as good as you dare to be bad.

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning.

When archaeologists discover the missing arms of Venus de Milo, they will find she was wearing boxing gloves.

The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.

America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up in two weeks.

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

My only regret in the theater is that I could never sit out front and watch me.

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.

She's no longer afraid to die. What she's afraid of is living, accepting the status quo.

Mirrors are useless for reflecting who you are.

I've concluded that I learned far more from my failures than from my successes.

Good! he wanted to cry out to her. Good! Because you only had to see it! I had to wear it!

If there is no scent of Christ’s love on someone, then they bear no evidence of true devotion to Christ.

There is nothing so bitter that a patient mind cannot find some solace for it.

It's interesting when you wind up distilling all your ambitions and your goals and dreams into one single person. It's giving that person a lot of power.

In the U.K. I'm probably better known as a comedy writer - or certainly that's my background is in writing comedy.

If you believe you are guilty and deserve to be punished, you are asking for it!

A salary was not sufficient for me.