You can say 'Thanks,' and you can say 'Thanks a Million' - but any number in between?

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

We wonder why we get credits only to be indebted

It is in the stormiest skies that eagles find their true calling.

You must recognize, embrace, and be honest about what is real for you today and allow that understanding to inform the choices you make. Only then will you be able to build the future of your dreams.

Love is the driver for all great stories: not just romantic love, but the love of parent for child, for family, for country.

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.

Today, you're 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!

My parents are famously not part of the gestalt of the fashion industry.

I think I've always been half out of my shell and half in. Sometimes I can be extremely wild and sometimes I can be extremely shy. It just depends on the day.

I'm taking memory power boost tablets to help me every day and doing the puzzles to help me stay focused.

But clay and clay differs in dignity, Whose dust is both alike.