You can't be a proper comic unless you've been out on stage and felt the fear.

There's a domino effect with certain things you say.

I'm getting positive feedback for my acting so we'll see if any other interesting parts come up.

It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.

We had a week off in the middle of shooting, but as soon as everyone stopped, we all went down with six different types of flu and other unmentionable diseases.

With stand-up you've just got that one chance. Audiences can be quite fickle.

My forte is playing drunks down the ages. When my agent rings me about a role, I don't ask what the part is, but what century it's in.

I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough.

When I wasn't as attractive as I am now, I suffered at the hands of cruel children and their taunts until I realised that confidence and a bit of aesthetic care can overcome that.

I love the way my weight fluctuates in the newspapers. It was 18 stone and then people look at a bad picture of me and add a few more stone on. I think the highest was 22 stone.

They look outside the windows of their apartment in town and realize they're not living in a terrace anymore. This is a room full of dreamers who like to go to London for a day.

No company has a culture, every company is a culture

Like a speeding trainI am passing by...I don’t knowwhere I’m headingwith whom or whyall I know is thatI will never, everpass from here againall I know is I’m skidding forwardon this track of life.

What we believe spirit visitors to be influences how they affect our lives. What we believe ourselves to be dictates how we react to them.

It's always better to feed your enemies than to fight with them.

I don't feel I'm a diva in any way, but, like, I just can't bring myself to reuse eyelashes. I think it's gross. And so I only use them one time. Is that bad? I feel like it's bad!

Do not worry about the past or the future. This moment needs your attention, for this is where your life exists.

If you have a dog or a cat, you know how developed they can be. How sensitive, how aware. They suffer. We all do.

Live as brave men; and if fortune is adverse, front its blows with brave hearts.

I have never asked a prime minister for anything.

Mistakes occur when a man is over-worked or over-confident.