You can't climb a tile wall.

I shot me a nice deer, and I hung it on the den wall in my house. My neighbor comes over and he says, Did you shoot that thing? I said, Nope. He ran through the wall and got stuck. Here's your sign.

There's a group in California that wants to make suicide a capital offense punishable by death. That's like punishing someone for being on a hunger strike by sending them to bed with no supper.

I just hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that say 'I'm Stupid.' That way you wouldn't rely on them, and you wouldn't ask them for nothing.

I pulled the boy close to me and said you see that girl, thats my only lil girl. So if you think about huggin or kissin. Remember these words. I aint afraid to go back to prison.

That's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men

Ma'am, when I got up this morning, I didn't want to be jackass. You just pushed my jackass button.

How about this, have you ever farted so hard you shivered?

In 1903 the Wright brothers invented airplanes, because in 1902 they took a road trip across the country with their family.

Yesterday, my son was out in the yard playing with his friend, and he hit his friend. I walked up to him, and I said, "Hey... We don't hit". He looked at me like, "Here's your sign, Dad".

Can someone explain to me why pilots feel they need to wake everyone to tell us that we are flying by a cloud that looks like a monkey.

My greatest qualification for writing fiction was my ability, as a child, to lie with a straight face.

I'm definitely a romantic comedy dude because I'm a big romantic at heart. I'm a softy, so it's always nice to watch movies that make you think that love at first sight is actually possible.

I'm always writing new songs and doing them live, and I may do it for a week or two, and then never do it again.

American law needs to reflect gods law.

Biblical counseling is listening to a person long enough until you hear a violation of scripture.

Drawing Is An Escape From All The Unecessary Things In Life That Get In The Way Of Being Free

The task of organizing human happiness needs the active cooperation of man and woman: it cannot be relegated to one half of the world.

There was a young man of Herne Bay who was making some fireworks one day: but he dropped his cigar in the gunpowder jar. There was a young man of Herne Bay.

Your tomorrow has no right to complain about your today, as long as your today gives you a bliss, unknown and incomprehensible to both your yesterday, and tomorrow!

Our lives preserved. How it was; and how it be. Passing it along in the relay. That is what I work to do: to produce stories that save our lives.