You can't make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.

I think Helen of Troy must have been pretty hot. She got two countries going crazy for 10 years over her.

You can’t make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.

I know nowadays the common wisdom is to celebrate diversity as long as you don't point out that people are different.

I'm just another guy who thinks he's smarter than he is, in a long line of them.

The ancient Greeks were the first ones to say an unexamined life is not worth living. They don't tell you of course what we found out, an examined life not that fascinating either.

The earth is a used Kleenex on the universe's nightstand.

Twitter is one of those dangerous toys that if it gets in the hands of the wrong person you'll have the mind of a 12-year-old masquerading as an adult.

So instead of talking about theoretical ways of ending the war and violence, I say that we have to get rid of the individual asholes in each office and situation.

People say history is boring, and that is true because people are boring. We haven't changed since time began. We're still the same.

I get the impression the English kings were witty, for some reason. I feel like all you had was your wit.

The language of priorities is the religion of socialism.

Does any sane man imagine that the church could cease to be missionary and remain the church?

I certainly haven't lived the life of a Buddhist monk.

Novelties please less than they impress.

There's an element of trust that you don't find with people nowadays.

I don't cook. My mother didn't cook. My daughter doesn't cook.

A raft needed to cross the river is discarded when the other shore is reached, not carried about on one's head.

Open all your pores and bathe in all the tides of nature, in all her streams and oceans, at all seasons.

Marlee, what are you doing? Get under a tent before you burn your skin." She gave me a polite smile. "I'm happy here." "No, really," I said, putting a hand around her arm. "You'll look like my hair.

Paul Levinson has outdone himself: The Plot to Save Socrates is a philosophically rich gem full of big ideas and wonderful time-travel tricks.