You can't possibly fathom the ins and outs of a prepubescent beauty treatment until you've felt the strange but exhilarating tingle of a cottage-cheese-and-Pop-Rocks facial.

Our brains are like bonsai trees, growing around our private versions of reality.

Life starts out with everyone clapping when you take a poo and goes downhill from there.

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who know where their high school yearbook is and those who do not.

If you have to ask someone to change, to tell you they love you, to bring wine to dinner, to call you when they land, you can't afford to be with them.

Unless you are a professional, you will find the tart to be a high-maintenance, unforgiving whistle-blower of a pastry.

I would gladly have accepted a heaping spoonful of nepotism when I got out of college and was looking for a job.

Book tours are such a little tapas meal of where I could live.

No affair that begins with such an orchestrated overture can end on a simple note.

Uniqueness is wasted on youth. Like fine wine or a solid flossing habit, you'll be grateful for it when you're older.

I like to try to do a little work before I do anything in the morning, even if it's a paragraph.

Today vegetables. Tomorrow...the world!

Honesty can be a dirty gift. It can muddy a sparkling stream of memories.

To have to hear a woman's voice, and start to make a choice just based on that, is difficult.

If you have zero access to the Internet, that is an offline device.

The only defensible war is a war of defense.

No one is so thoroughly superstitious as the godless man. Life and death to him are haunted grounds, filled with goblin forms of vague and shadowy dread.

God's message extends beyond borders. Anyone in the world can learn to forgive those who have injured them, however great or small that injury may be.

Rappers spit rhymes that are mostly illegal, MC's spit rhymes to uplift their people.

We have a historic system in place since the early part of the last century and this is going to be one of the biggest battles in California if we decide to take it on.

Read, think well of mankind, go to our libraries and rejoice.