You can talk to a fade but a hook won't listen.

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.

Pressure is playing for ten dollars when you don't have a dime in your pocket.

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

I'm going to win so much money this year, my caddie will make the top twenty money-winners list.

The older I get, the better I used to be.

You're Mexican until you make money and then you're Spanish.

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.

There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray.

You don't dare think whole even to yourself the entirety of a dear hope or wish let alone a desperate one else you yourself have doomed it.

It is a dangerous thing to bring a dream to life....I have watched my deepest, dearest hopes take shape, and I am not entirely sure I like the shape they have taken.

But the conceited man did not hear him. Conceited people never hear anything but praise.

0 God! Put back Thy universe and give me yesterday.

In my hometown there is a pub named after me - The Frome Flyer on Jenson Avenue. How cool is that?!

Christmas day is the children's, but the holidays are youth's dancing-time.

It's fun! Just fun...I don't think of it as a cabaret act per se, I call it more of a gig, if that makes any sense

It's a great privilege to be able to play that much. When you play a lot, you can be really detail-oriented.

I myself have always stood in the awe of the camera. I recognize it for the instrument it is, part Stradivarius, part scalpel.

All these gadgets, the phone and the computer, they expose the inside of your brain in a way that's bad.