You can tell a lot about a person by whether or not they're a transvestite.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

Aw, you’re nothing but heart, Mako. Nice valentine in your skull, by the way. Is that temporary or did the Tanaka-kai change their daimon to attract the Powerpuff Girls crowd?

Paradoxes are conflicting choices or conditions that demand equal attention.

The mere fact that a boxer covers his face never means that he is much afraid of his opponent. A good punch will give a better explanation for his action!

We shall live to fight again and to strike another blow.

My mother taught me very early to believe I could achieve any accomplishment I wanted to. The first was to walk without braces.

There are always going to be some complications.

You can find truly original pieces of writing, but they're original because you go, "Who would have even have thought of that?," or, "Why would anyone ever want to go see that?"

Raising awareness about the Deaf culture is a huge cause that I advocate. Because both of my parents are deaf, I am passionate about it in an entirely different way.

Acting is acting, but acting is different in almost always every project, and very, very different in this context.

Nothing is as boring as other people's dreams.