You can tell how boring a person is by the lack of fear in their eyes when someone is flipping through photos on their phone.

People are like music, some speak the truth and others are just noise.

Alcohol is really just the liquid version of Photoshop.

Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood.

Friendship is so weird. You just pick a human you've met and you're like, 'Yep, I like this one,' and you just do stuff with them.

I'm a nut, but not just a nut.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

You know how funerals are not for the dead, they’re for the living? Bachelor parties are not for the groom, they’re for the uncommitted.

Just beat my record for most consecutive days without dying.

The secret is to have a sense of yourself, your real self, your unique self. And not just once in a while, or once a day, but all through the day, the week and life.

Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.

I do wish this time you'd try to dress better while you're home. Folks in town get the wrong impression of you. They think you are--ah--slumming.

These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was defenseless, and parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends.

The familiar childhood admonition of 'counting to 10' before taking action works because it emphasizes the two key elements of anger management -- time and distraction.

I was probably six years old when I first sang before an audience.

Say whatever your memory suggests is true; but add nothing and exaggerate nothing.

The spirit of rebellion is present in every great city, and the great task of wise government is to keep it dormant, for if it wakes it is a torrent which no dam can hold back.

You have to be interested in culture to design for it.

Jesus himself has shown us by his own example that prayer and fasting are the first and most effective weapons against the forces of evil.

It's just been a long week, that's all." "It's monday night, Jess." "My point exactly.

It will always be the ball and me.