You cant be satirical and not be offensive to somebody.

Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it.

Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down ? That's not my department.

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!

If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then I won't touch on God or anything here

I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up.

Political satire became obsolete when they awarded Henry Kissinger the Nobel Peace Prize.

On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.

It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.

I went from adolescence to senility, trying to bypass maturity.

Always predict the worst, and you'll be hailed as a prophet.

Do what feel is right, and back yourself up. Live the life you want to live,

Climate deniers are less immoral than Holocaust deniers, although they are undoubtedly more dangerous.

A few. . . critics are the only people I ever heard use the phrase 'imminent threat.' I didn't, the president didn't.

So have your wits about you, and do what you can and dig in, because it might not last.

The mind is the greatest of all human forces. Control the mind and you control the body.

In some respects I will never die. Because art is immortal. What we leave behind and what we create - the energy that we put out into the world is eternal.

Anyone who imagines that all fruits ripen at the same time as the strawberries knows nothing about grapes.

Loneliness is random; solitude is ritual.

It doesn't matter how many times you get knocked down. The only thing that matters is how many times you get up.

I've been sampled so much and I'm glad it's happened, it's a great compliment.