You could get a cheer by saying: 'Let's withdraw from Afghanistan', but I don't think that's where the public's at. It wouldn't be responsible.

My mobile phone battery runs out all the time because all the messages come straight to me.

I would love to go on MasterChef. But while I really like cooking, I'm doubtful anyone would ever want to pay for what I'd cooked.

What is even more worrying still is George Osborne's breathtakingly complacent response to today's figures. This is a Chancellor who is in total denial.

The thing about politics is to plan 10 years ahead, and assume every year is your last.

I don't think I've ever sent a text to Gordon Brown because I'm confident that he would absolutely have no idea how to receive it. He barely managed to master WordPerfect 4.1.

I think three or four years ago, people would have said my biggest weakness was that sometimes I was awkward on television, with my stammer, but I think they'd say that much less now.

For the first time I'm free to be myself.

Saddam Hussein was a horrible man, and I am pleased he is no longer running Iraq. But the war was wrong.

I will ask every government department to draw up a plan for civil service relocation outside London. And a Labour Treasury will set an objective for savings over the course of the next decade.

The national deficit is not rising.

I don't see, ' I said, 'how people stand being old. Your insides all dry up. When you're young you're so self-reliant. You don't even need much religion.

If you can get a spiritual connection without going to church, why go to church?.

A man armed with a rhyming dictionary is a dangerous man.

Every aquarium will eventually leak.

I'm into grilled cheese. Grilled cheese makes me feel beautiful!

With prophecies the commentator is often a more important man than the prophet.

Our good time is sitting in a coffee shop with a newspaper, writing a line on the back of a napkin. That is the most fun comedians ever have

Rights of true citizenship accrue only to those who serve the State to which they belong.

And if wishes were pies, I'd weigh more than I do. Sir Myles of Barony Olau

Certainly coming to America has been extraordinary.