You could tell by the way he talked, though, that he had gone to school a long time. That was probably what was wrong with him.

you can always tell employees of the government by the total vacancy which occupies the space where most other people have faces.

Having once been so high, humanity fell so low. What had once been dedicated to the soul was now dedicated to the sale.

I am at the moment writing a lengthy indictment against our century. When my brain begins to reel from my literary labors, I make an occasional cheese dip.

Oh, Fortuna, blind, heedless goddess, I am strapped to your wheel,' Ignatius belched, 'Do not crush me beneath your spokes. Raise me on high, divinity.

Apparently I lack some particular perversion which today's employer is seeking.

with the breakdown of the medieval system, the gods of chaos, lunacy, and bad taste gained ascendancy.

Stop!' I cried imploringly to my god-like mind.

This liberal doxy must be impaled upon the member of a particularly large stallion.

Jail was preferable. There they only limited you physically. In a mental ward they tampered with your soul and worldview and mind.

I refuse to "look up." Optimism nauseates me. It is perverse. Since man's fall, his proper position in the universe has been one of misery.

Search for truth, not for meaning. Meaning comes from the perspective of a person who interprets the truth.

Security depends not so much upon how much you have, as upon how much you can do without.

He who lives in our mind is near though he may actually be far away but he who is not in our heart is far though he may really be nearby.

Jesus will brush aside your inabilities.

On the back of Satan's neck is a nail scarred footprint.

The way to get things done is to stimulate competition. I do not mean in a sordid, money-getting way, but in the desire to excel.

The underdog often starts the fight, and occasionally the upper dog deserves to win.

Having done stand-up on television and in stand-up specials for like Comedy Central, you learn quickly that for that type of performance you're playing to the camera.

You go in thinking you have to do this all by yourself, and what I learned was no, when you hire great people, they do so much for you.

Christians often threaten atheists with eternal torture. But if we say that they're delusional, they will tell us that we're being rude.