You'd think that sweet would be a land far, far away from irritating, but as it turns out they're right next door, and always having border disputes.

Anyone who gives you a cinnamon roll fresh out of the oven is a friend for life.

Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear.

Temper tantrums, however fun they may be to throw, rarely solve whatever problem is causing them.

I didn't realize this was a sad occasion.

They didn't understand it, but like so many unfortunate events in life, just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it isn't so.

Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby - awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.

Chestnuts in stuffing tastes like someone chewed up a tree branch and then French-kissed it into your mouth.

The thing with your heart's desire is that your heart doesn't even know what it desires until it turns up.

Accidents happen all the time.

Morning is an important time of day, because how you spend your morning can often tell you what kind of day you are going to have.

The most luxurious home is the most peaceful one.

Challenge yourself everyday to do better and be better. Remember, growth starts with a decision to move beyond your present circumstances.

Everybody wanted to be the hero of their own story. Nobody wanted to be comic relief.

Self-preservation is the first law of nature.

Suffering is but another name for the teaching of experience, which is the parent of instruction and the schoolmaster of life.

When one theory is simpler than its competitor, this fact is relevant to saying what the world is like.

I felt like a monster reincarnation of Horatio Alger: A man on the move, and just sick enough to be totally confident.

I'm tactile, very tactile. A woman who has really nice, looked-after skin is such a turn-on for me. It's always sexy.

Either I do not corrupt the young or, if I do, it is unwillingly.