You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore's program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.

Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.

Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.

I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.

A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!

You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.

Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?

If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.

My father helped me leave. He said, 'It's all out there, it's not here.'

So be careful when you bend over.

Friends are not a number. You can't collect connections. You can't just go out one day and be like, "Hey, I need some friends!" *goes shopping, scours social media*

The trite saying that honesty is the best policy has met with the just criticism that honesty is not policy. The real honest man is honest from conviction of what is right, not from policy.

Look for things marked positive to you, like songs, because all dem things are right.

If you live in bad faith, lies will appear to you like the truth.

By seeing the beauty in every face we lift others into their wisest self and increase the chances of hearing a synchronistic message.

The secret of the creative life is to feel at ease with your own embarrassment.

One may wonder indeed whether the pretense of superior health is not itself rapidly becoming a mental aberration.

Sir, there is no end of negative criticism.

The best advice that was given to me was that I had to be 10 times smarter, braver and more polite to be equal. So I did.