You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

It always freaks me out when I go to a sushi place and there's a Mexican.

Darkness should never be an excuse to quit, for with God, darkness is the exact stuff that light was built for.

You have not traveled enough, " she said. "Or you'd know that every journeymakes its own map across your heart.

I'm going to own your body, Lila, because you f*cking own mine.

I told them my system was based on the "ant plan," that I'd gotten the idea watching a colony of ants in Africa during the war. A whole bunch of ants working toward a common goal.

Failure is not a disgrace if you have sincerely done your best.

I always begin to compose the melody first.

Compromise is such an integral part of being a human being. You're compromising in every decision you make.

So how do you do it, with just words and just music, capture the feeling that my Earth is somebody's ceiling?

I wish people had half the honor of dragons.

I did an instrumental jazz album. That was my first album.