You don't know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket.

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.

Pressure is playing for ten dollars when you don't have a dime in your pocket.

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

I'm going to win so much money this year, my caddie will make the top twenty money-winners list.

The older I get, the better I used to be.

You're Mexican until you make money and then you're Spanish.

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.

There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray.

Though all the guns be silenced, each soldier in his home, There is no peace till Love comes, till the meek may safely roam.

Sheesh, one hot girl walks into the house and all trust vanishes. -Vane Weston

That he survived, and indeed returned to government, was one of man's occasional triumphs over medicine.

What's there to remember if not the good things?

I have to tell everyone everything that's going on. It is different once you're married, because that's sacred.

I don't think about the styles. I write whatever comes out and I use whatever kind of instrumentation works for those songs.

It (suicide) became a possibility like Maybe when I grow up, I will be dead. Life was a cake that looked good on the bakery shelf but turned to sawdust and salt when I ate it.

He charged nothing for his preaching and it was worth it too.

1994 was the nadir for heavy metal, although the rest of the '90s weren't much of a picnic either.

The community which has neither poverty nor riches will always have the noblest principles.