You don't need to be defined by your job.

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads.”

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab.

This is the one who will find us. He's the one who will lead them all back to me someday. He's the explorer. El curioso.

Be a true romantic. Always ruminate about the true beauty of life.

Nowadays when we bow our heads before meals, we no longer say grace—we receive it.

Most of the basic truths of life sound absurd at first hearing.

I don't have any regrets in my life actually. I think that's a pretty good policy.

Going out and playing music - that's what I do. I don't do much else.

No matter what happens, you always need someone else to look after you at the end.

A story is an invitation, and a challenge, and a choice.

There are certain promises you make that are more sacred than anything that happens in a court of law, I don't care how many Bibles you put your hand on.

As you climb, you grow deeper in the foundation, so it makes our foundation deeper.