You don't want to get that sort of sound in your writing that boing that gives you away.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.

Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? Who will guard the guards?

Have nothing to do with coaches. In fact, if you should see one coming, go and hide behind the pavilion until he goes away.

I've decided to do it, for the pure and simple reason that I just think it's the right thing to do.

A person who has not made peace with his losses is likely to accept gambles that would be unacceptable to him otherwise.

I like the fans’ sound at night. Do you? It’s like somebody big far away goes like: it’sOKit’sOKit’sOKit’sOK, over and over. From very far away.

You know what it was like? It was like thinking I was heading to a surprise party and instead it was a surprise pap smear.

Music always sounds better on Friday.

Reality is what one does not perceive when one perceives it.

Wind is caused by the trees waving their branches.