You ever get a postcard, you get so excited you don't even read it! "Hey I got a - who cares."

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure.

Birds keep singing beautiful songs, even if they have no audience.

One thing I don't like is when you disrespect the law.

I'm also conscious of what this confidence that has been placed in me means. I'm going to the Games through the back door but I'm working everyday to exit through the main door!

My hands are guilty, but my heart is free.

I want to be known for good work first. A good story and good delivery is just that - period.

I don't base any character on a real person, and really don't do composites either. I make them up.

Poetry is the revelation of a feeling that the poet believes to be interior and personal but which the reader recognizes as his own.

What a man wants is a mate and what a woman wants is infinite security.

There is no free market for oil.