You fall out of your mother's womb, you crawl across open country under fire, and drop into your grave.

Though intelligence is powerless to modify character, it is a dab hand at finding euphemisms for its weaknesses.

I simply haven't the nerve to imagine a being, a force, a cause which keeps the planets revolving in their orbits and then suddenly stops in order to give me a bicycle with three speeds.

Posing was the first job I did in which I understood what I was doing.

In an expanding universe, time is on the side of the outcast.

Fashion is what you adopt when you don't know who you are.

My mother protected me from the world and my father threatened me with it.

The poverty from which I have suffered could be diagnosed as 'Soho' poverty. It comes from having the airs and graces of a genius and no talent.

Vice is its own reward.

Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.

No effort is required to define or even attain happiness, but enormous concentration is needed to abandon everything else.

Power is never measured by what you can give but by what you can actually take!

My madness is instigating me to join the club of billionaires.

I suppose it's something to do with her black-brained religion not to take care of the body.

I love Jason Bateman. He's so funny.

No one goes into standup to make money. The frustration and rejection are just too much.

For the last time, you cannot wear that cropped fleece vest

We'll do all right if we can capitalize on our mistakes.

It started out slowly, it's coming on fast. I got a feeling it's gonna last. Timber, I'm falling in love.

The Democratic Party is that amazing thing, out of power for six years and yet exhausted. They're pale, tired, and unready. Too bad, since it's their job to be an alternative, not an embarrassment.

We look down on our scientists if they engage in outside consultation. We implicitly promote the ivory tower.