You get to a certain point, especially if you're a comedian, where people think certain things. It's like, I don't take the time to explain it to people, it's just part of what I do.

Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list.

I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with.

Life Sucks,get a helmet

You know why the French hate us so much? Thay gave us the croissant. And you know what we did with it? We turned it into our croissandwich, thank you very much.

Why hate someone for the color of their skin when there are much better reasons to hate them?

Crisis doesn't create character; it reveals it.

Ann Romney talking about middle class moms is like Chris Christie talking about a salad

There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.

I'm really happy I went to a Catholic school because a lot of the repressive tactics they use make for great senses of humor.

What firefighters, and people in our military and cops do is separate from what the rest of us do, basically these people say "I'm going to protect all these strangers."

I'm not crazy or dangerous, just a bit eccentric and lonely.

Good friends good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

If others would but reflect on mathematical truths as deeply and as continuously as I have, they would make my discoveries.

What I was reading was already part of my psyche, but finally someone else was saying it's okay to walk alone.

As I understand it, triangulation is the idea that you demonstrate to some set of swing voters that you are politically palatable by poking the extremes of both parties in they eyes.

The biggest - one of the biggest barriers to driving economic growth is the capital gains tax rate. I propose taking it to zero.

Embark on no enterprise which you cannot submit to the test of prayer.

Thoughts come into our minds by avenues which we never left open, and thoughts go out of our minds through avenues which we never voluntarily opened.

I've been the underdog in my life since I was a kid.

The spiritual life is first of all a life. It is not merely something to be known and studied, it is to be lived.