You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads.”

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab.

You make me wanna staple bagels to my face, then remove them with a pitchfork.

Be still and know that I am God

She could go on asking herself why roses had thorns or she could be thankful that thorns had roses.

This body had carried me through a hard life. It looked exactly the way it was supposed to.

Sometimes, if you really don't know how you feel about a topic, reading how both sides argue it can help.

Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world.

Salvation is universal because the love of God encompasses all. If God is God and if God is love, nothing is outside the love of God. A place like hell is thus inconceivable.

Death always waits. The door of the hearse is never closed.

Whatever behavior you've experienced from people in the past, expect them to do it again and again and again.

I want people to know there is more to Somalia than looting and piracy.

No matter how far apart we are, we are all under and looking at the same sky.