You got to pay your dues to get the joke. Besides, laughter is cheap and very portable. If there's a pogrom, or they're blaming you for the plague, nothing is easier to pack than a sense of humor.

The American Constitution was not written to protect criminals; it was written to protect the government from becoming criminals.

The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be,' there is only what is.

There's a lot of money in wars, except in the war on poverty. Can't make any bread helping the poor.

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.

It's the suppression of the word that gives it the power, the violence, the viciousness.

Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone.

I think it's about time we gave up religion and got back to God.

You can't do anything with anybody's body to make it dirty to me. Six people, eight people, one person - you can do only one thing to make it dirty: kill it. Hiroshima was dirty.

Freedom of speech is a two way street, man. You have the right to say whatever you want and the Boss has a right to tell the police to arrest you.

There are no dirty words, only dirty minds.

The only difference between a caprice and a lifelong passion is that the caprice lasts a little longer.

One of the ironies of human nature is that it often has a way of rejecting the best and accepting the worst.

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas - too sad story. This book is very good and sad

Service that is given with little or no thought of personal advantage is an ideal to pursue for a lifetime.

I'm a playmaker, and I'm going to score. At the end of the day, my job is to put the ball in the basket.

For our vanity is such that we hold our own characters immutable, and we are slow to acknowledge that they have changed, even for the better.

To err is human also in so far as animals seldom or never err, or at least only the cleverest of them do so.

The 2 things I like the most are girls and loud noises.

I don't think I'm an unkind person, I don't think my books are unkind, and I don't think my readers are unkind.

To regard Christ as God, and to pray to him, are to my mind the greatest possible sacrilege.