You got to start by doing little things if your quest is to take over the world.

I thought 'Pineapple Express' was hilarious.

Remember Tupperware? That was the toughest stuff ever. Why can't they make a phone out of Tupperware?

When you're babysitting a kid, all you're seeing is a version of them, a small dosage.

I am the comedy version of ambidextrous. I'm working with my left and right hand. I'm the two-sided coin. I'm all of those metaphors you can think of. I'm the interracial couple. I'm BET and CBS.

You're trying to make someone wet their pants and you're trying to make somebody crap in their pants. That's the motivation of a comic. Who else has that power?

All you wanna do in life is do what you do well. That's when you're happiest.

You know how you put peanut butter on a piece of bread and the bread falls - it never falls on the bread side down, it always falls peanut butter side down. That's because of gravity.

You ever taste some damn chicken so horrible, that you wished the chicken would show up at your house and show your lady how to cook him?

Man, you can come see me six or seven times in a row and you'll never see the same show twice, because I don't like to be robotic onstage. I like to perform for that particular audience.

This Italian restaurant I'm at is authentic! When they seat you, they give you a mustache.

Life makes two promises, one, it promises to be good, and two, it promises to be bad. Cherish the good and be strong during the bad.

And God's epic grace shows us how to rise above our pain and circumstances with enduring hope and faith in him.

In every relationship, sooner or later, there is a court scene. Accusations, counter-accusations, a trial, a verdict.

Remember the dignity of your womanhood. Do not appeal, do not beg, do not grovel. Take courage, join hands, stand besides us, fight with us.

I have profound respect for Sacha Baron Cohen, but Borat is not a particularly comfortable movie for me to sit through.

Definition of Love: A score of zero in tennis. I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears of all my life.

When you're dating, abstinence is a greater expression of love than making love, because you're doing what's best for your beloved, not just what feels good in the moment.

Keep your character several steps ahead of your talent

The run of the ball is not in our court at the moment

I am the only candidate for mayor of London with the experience of being a transport minister.