You have the attention span of a large bug, and yet I don't feel good enough about myself to not date you.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

We are the flower of love in the garden we call earth.

She knew with chilling and absolute certainty she was next.

I never stepped foot into a Brooks Brothers before Mad Men.

It's hard to force a relationship with a stranger even if they happen to be someone you happen to share blood with.

I learn the most from making my own mistakes.

When I run in Ethiopia, I look out and see eucalyptus trees and rivers.

So why not become a mongrel? It's healthy

I have to be a star like another man has to breathe.

Love is more than one thing.