You have to be deviant if you're going to do anything new.

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.

I would just like to say that after all these years of heavy drinking, bright lights and late nights, I still don't need glasses. I drink right out of the bottle.

If you subtracted all of the great artists who never drank, who never went to excess, you wouldn't have any more art left. What kind of poem are you gonna get out of a glass of iced tea?

The perfect woman has an IQ of 150, wants to make love until 4 in the morning, then turns into a pizza!

When I die, sprinkle my ashes over the 80's.

I'm not conceited. Conceit is a fault and I have no faults.

Remember, life is just a game and no one gets out alive

If you want to split a bottle with a friend, then Sammy Hagar is your guy. If you want to split your friend with a bottle than give me a call.

If you put a Van Halen album in your record collection, it will melt all the rest of your records.

Ask yourself at least once a week: "Am I on the right track to achieve my goals at this time? Am I doing the right things that I need to be doing?

Vegans are always wrong, but damn pleased with themselves

It's unbelievable what one squadron of twelve aircraft did to tip the balance.

Economic growth is not only unncessary, but ruinous.

When someone discovers something in their lives that really interests them, then they should be content with doing that - without having to go and lie on a beach once a year.

James Brown is important because he decorates the clock correctly and he's good with lower mathematics. Don't get me wrong - he's good.

Mythology is often defined as 'other peoples' religions', religion can be thought of as misinterpreted mythology.

A blur of great magic is still just a blur.

Greenmail, in case you're wondering, is when a company pays a raider a premium for his holdings-if he'll go away. What I think it really is is blackmail in a pin-striped suit.

I will make myself sick on films, just because you want everything to be right. I can't sleep if something hasn't been done or is out of place.