You have to do a show as honestly as you can. But you also can't afford skepticism, because it's preparing for failure, which is useless.

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able to say you're not the most important person to yourself.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

I have a lot of beliefs... and I live by none of them...

My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core!

When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Leave the dude alone and he'll figure it out.

Everything is amazing and nobody is happy

What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

But war had a taming effect

You can almost always find chains of coincidence to disprove magic. That's because it doesn't happen the way it does in books. It makes those chains of coincidence. That's what it is.

The Problem is not the problem The Problem is your attitude about the Problem

There was a time in my life when being dishonest with women was the natural way to be. I finally said, "Hey, I have to stop this silliness."

Stress is an indicator of our belief in the value and validity of our worries and fears.

You can always tell when the relationship is over. Little things start getting on your nerves, 'Would you please stop that! That breathing in and out, it's so repetitious.'

Love is not blind; that is the last thing that it is. Love is bound; and the more it is bound the less it is blind.

The long irons are the nemesis of the average golfer. I'm convinced that the underlying reason for this is that he keeps hearing how hard they are to handle. They're not that difficult, truly.

It's a measure of the depth of our consumer trance that the death of the planet is not sufficient to break it.

A nation is blessed when it has godly leaders.