You just be honest about who you are, and if you dont end up with any friends, then good for you.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

Get off me you dirty turnip!" "Dirty turnip? well, pardon me Signor Cabbage-Head!

In the midst of wanting to be powerful, I found a weakness.

C++ is the only current language making COBOL look good

The fact is that I made a stand a number of times in my career, and I did it because I knew I was right.

You can experience a download, but you can't download an experience.

All honest labor becomes easy; it only becomes hard when done with unwillingness.

We've always been ready for female superheroes. Because women want to be them and men want to do them.

All great civilisations, in their early stages, are based on success in war.

Home, the spot of earth supremely blest, A dearer, sweeter spot than all the rest.

You dare to stand with my enemy? (Stryker) Against you, Father, I’d stand with Mickey Mouse. (Urian)